The Insanely Precious, Ordinary Moments of a Life

Friday, December 17, 2010

Dear Bridger, today your name is brand new.
We have seen you for the first time, on an Ultrasound screen. It was like
getting to meet you just a little bit while I am still able to
hold you in the safety of my own body.

I've been wondering if our souls are separate, or if we share
one soul until you leave mine and become your own.

I wonder this as I dream about you.

This is a precious time, I dream of you and the open possibilities that are your life,
while time and circumstance have not yet limited any of your potential.

In this place, we are in perfect harmony with one another-
we have not yet fought, not yet been so angry with one another that we slam our doors behind us,
I have not yet pulled my hair wondering how to soothe a tantrum in the grocery store or get you to sleep in the middle of the night,
I have not yet accumulated the inevitable worry about mistakes I may have made while trying, imperfectly, to become that holy ideal of Mother. I have not yet begun the long ride that is parenthood, with hard choices and leaps-of-faith  at every bend.

But I know,
even now while you are still a mystery,
that I will always love you,
no matter who you are,
or what you choose,
or where you go.

I am your mother forever.